I switched to the itunes window and looked for a song to play, wishing that Dom would somehow wake up and continue our msn conversation. It seemed impossible to return to those feelings of loss and longing for all those things that have passed away, but yet there I was at 5 in the morning in that exact same place where I had been all those times before. Of course this time things were different. More had passed out of my life these recent months and situations had changed, but that didn't stop the fact that no matter what I did I wouldn't get it back. And I guess I thought I had already lost it all, but life always has it's ways of surprising you and I guess I was wrong. I still had some things to lose as I had just learned, and so to the surprise of my own feelings I lose, again.

And then I wondered, when does it stop? When do we stop mourning the things we've lost? Sure, time always helps everything, but time is a funny thing. It takes away and causes grief and then gradually we forget or think less and less about what it has taken.

But then at night when it is darkest and you're all alone, a night very unlike this one, Dispair will find your heart with her knife. And you will wither in pain in your sheets and scream into the depths of your pillow.

However, once the tears have gone and the pain has passed and you linger on these thoughts as you wait for sleep or dreams or something more permanent, these very thoughts sap your will and purpose and you wonder why you honestly give a damn. And as you yearn for the comfort you need, you begin to realize that there isn't any and so you turn towards the wall with your back to the world.

But in the morning you wake. The rush of the world greets you like a six month old puppy- demanding and full of energy. Other than the slightly darker circles around your eyes, the void of the night has left you without a trace. And you go about your day, filling the minutes and hours with meaning and purpose.

And another day goes by followed by another week and another month, and one day you'll look back and remember and maybe be surprised to realize that it doesn't hurt anymore.




Dream: You should have gone to her funeral.
Orpheus: Why?
Dream: To say goodbye.
Orpheus: I have not yet said goodbye to Eurydice.
Dream: You should. You are mortal: it is the mortal way. You attend the funeral, you bid the dead farewell, you grieve. Then you continue with your life. And at times the fact of her absence will hit you like a blow to the chest and you will weep. But this will happen less and less and times goes on.

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