She had frozen up in a vortex of emptiness, incapable of feeling, whirling around in some chaotic daze, yet far too cataleptic to know just how long she had been spinning. It was all just noise. The sort of ‘Ra-ra’ stuff you put on to drown out other noise. It kept her sane from day to day, night to night or she probably would have done her head in weeks ago.

But she didn’t quite understand the feeling either. She wanted to cry, but had nothing to cry about. Nothing other than the nonchalant and comatose feelings that were not yet threatening to wane. Instead she sat there quietly as transient memories of happier times illuminated her world like flashes of lightning before tearing holes in the sky.

Maybe it was time to stop smiling. Maybe it was time to accept that everything was not ok, that she had just been numb – sitting in front of her screen semi brain-dead all these weeks. She had been so out of it. She missed people. She missed being herself too, because as far as she could tell, the person typing certainly wasn’t her.
|