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Chocolateshots.
Martina.
Tina. Marty. Marts.
TiniTinyTina!
An iTram.
An 'IT' ram. (the jay chou of sheep)
celestial beings.
February 2006
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your tagboard here[:!
Yes, we have reached that god forsaken fork in the road and there is no turning back. It's either right or left now and there isn't an option to choose later.
But don't you see the illusion these choices present us with?
With every choice made, an option disappears and so one can only becomes more and more limited. Such is the paradox of choice.
I guess this is where my problems step in because I have no future plans for myself, no goals to move towards as I'm too afraid of commitment to one idea and then finding myself unfaithful to it the the very net moment. I have done that too many times. Sadly, my disloyalty has always been for the extreme opposite of that which I had first chosen. Sometimes [like my mother] I'm neurotic as hell.
My problem is not only not knowing where I want to go, which only seems less horrifying at this point due to the fact that I don't quite know what to do either.
The IB will come to pass someday, and I will be left standing there with my grades- whatever they may be, but there is no point even if I were to get six 7s because it would not help me decide.
I'm almost at the point where I don't care where it is I'm going. I'm exhausted to tears of receiving letters after letters after more fucking letters, and they all say the same. All are the same. What worries me is that I don't know what it is I want to do. I want to do Lit, Drama, Communications/media, Law, Sociology and possibly even Psy all at once. For all i know there might be a course I might like that I've never even heard of...
And how far can Lit take me if i chose to do only Lit? Not very far apparently..
No one can decide this for me and nothing can help me either. Nothing that isn't biased anyway. I might as well hold a compass in one hand and a magnet in the other.
More than anything I feel particularly lost right now and at times like these I wish more than anything that I could go back in time. Back to a time when things were so much more simple.
Thanks a lot Shao for everything, really. You have no idea how much the tag and chats mean to me. I really envy your sense of direction in life and I wish I could do the same. Sometimes I wonder how important all of this really is. Maybe the future will indeed straighten itself out, and then we'll be able to smile. Smile all day long.
But what if it doesn't?
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Martina.
Tina. Marty. Marts.
TiniTinyTina!
An iTram.
An 'IT' ram. (the jay chou of sheep)
celestial beings.
9:20 PM, Thursday, March 09, 2006
Yes, we have reached that god forsaken fork in the road and there is no turning back. It's either right or left now and there isn't an option to choose later.But don't you see the illusion these choices present us with?
With every choice made, an option disappears and so one can only becomes more and more limited. Such is the paradox of choice.
I guess this is where my problems step in because I have no future plans for myself, no goals to move towards as I'm too afraid of commitment to one idea and then finding myself unfaithful to it the the very net moment. I have done that too many times. Sadly, my disloyalty has always been for the extreme opposite of that which I had first chosen. Sometimes [like my mother] I'm neurotic as hell.
My problem is not only not knowing where I want to go, which only seems less horrifying at this point due to the fact that I don't quite know what to do either.
The IB will come to pass someday, and I will be left standing there with my grades- whatever they may be, but there is no point even if I were to get six 7s because it would not help me decide.
I'm almost at the point where I don't care where it is I'm going. I'm exhausted to tears of receiving letters after letters after more fucking letters, and they all say the same. All are the same. What worries me is that I don't know what it is I want to do. I want to do Lit, Drama, Communications/media, Law, Sociology and possibly even Psy all at once. For all i know there might be a course I might like that I've never even heard of...
And how far can Lit take me if i chose to do only Lit? Not very far apparently..
No one can decide this for me and nothing can help me either. Nothing that isn't biased anyway. I might as well hold a compass in one hand and a magnet in the other.
More than anything I feel particularly lost right now and at times like these I wish more than anything that I could go back in time. Back to a time when things were so much more simple.
Thanks a lot Shao for everything, really. You have no idea how much the tag and chats mean to me. I really envy your sense of direction in life and I wish I could do the same. Sometimes I wonder how important all of this really is. Maybe the future will indeed straighten itself out, and then we'll be able to smile. Smile all day long.
But what if it doesn't?
|